Diwali Eve always felt like Diwali itself.
The night before, Amma and I would plan and agree to wake up like normal and start cooking after breakfast.
But I always knew her well. She would wake up early, quietly moving around the kitchen before dawn; the sound of pots and pans, the fragrance of spices, the rhythm of her love.
Usually, I’d do the marketing the day before. She’d give me her list: mutton, chicken, prawns, squids, fish, crabs, vegetables, etc. We’d clean and store everything together so that it’d be easier the next day.
Every Diwali eve morning, I’d find her already halfway through her magic.
“Maaa, I knew you’d do this! We planned to cook together!” I’d tease, and she’d smile, that knowing smile, “Go sleep a little more. Everything’s almost done.”
Soon, everyone would gather, some family members usually stayed overnight.
First, we would do prayers and serve breakfast for those who had left us, ie my dad, my siblings, our grandparents. Their pictures were arranged in the hall, with food lovingly served and prayers would begin.
Then all of us will sit down as a family for Amma’s home-cooked feast; breakfast and then followed by lunch, hours later.
For us, Diwali Eve was always the real Diwali, alive with aroma, laughter, and Amma’s touch.
She was a vegetarian, yet her non-veg dishes were perfect. She never tasted them, only trusted her heart.
And Amma has always been a giver, on birthdays, on Diwali and on other special occasions; always with thought and intention. But last year, she gave beyond her usual amount. Maybe, in some quiet knowing, she felt her time was near.
This year, on Diwali eve, my nephew Jeevan, went to her place during lunch. Jeevan is her golden grandson, her first. He packed some food, and ate there. Just a year ago, we were all there, celebrating Diwali eve together. When he told me that, I could only smile through my tears.
Today is Diwali. Early morning, I brought her breakfast and her favourite coffee. Got her favorite flowers too! I lit two scented tealights beside her photo and prayed.
It’s been nine months now, but her presence fills every sound and silence.
This Diwali, I celebrate her light: the love she poured into every meal, every hug, every small reminder that we were never alone.
Notes / What I Felt:
A moment of stillness, to remember the connection, the unwavering love, the memories and presence.
Lighting the lamp for Amma brought me peace.
It reminded me that love never really leaves. It only changes its form, waiting quietly within us to be remembered.
To my followers:
If you’re celebrating, Happy Diwali and have a peaceful love-filled day! ❤️
