THAI AMAVASAI, A LAMP FOR THE DEPARTED AND THE SANDALS I LEFT BEHIND

This morning unfolded quietly, almost unexpectedly.

Late last night, my cousin brother texted to remind me that today is Thai Amavasai, which is an important day in the Tamil calendar, dedicated to remembering and honoring those who have left us ie. parents, grandparents, siblings, ancestors.

It felt last-minute. I had just had two glasses of wine while watching Emily in Paris on Netflix and was ready to call it a night. But something in me said, okay. That was it. No overthinking.

So this morning, I woke up early, showered, dressed decently (as one must for temple visits😄)and drove to the temple. 

I removed my shoes, entered the temple, bought a Moksha Deepam, a small clay oil lamp and paid for a simple fruits offering. Our usual priest wasn’t around, so another priest conducted a group prayer. One by one, we stood in line, offering the names of our departed loved ones.

The Moksha Deepam is known as the Lamp of Liberation which is lit with the intention of peace, release and onward journey for the soul and quiet acceptance for those of us left behind.

After the prayers, I sat for a while. No rush. Just stillness.

Then I drove home.

Only when I reached my car park did I realize! I had left my sandals behind at the temple (I’m used to driving without shoes all the time!!😂).

Well, the sandals wasn’t just any sandals. A comfy, slightly pricey pair that I rarely use…and for some reason, chose to use today.

I paused for exactly one second. Then decided. No turning back.

I got out of the car and walked barefoot all the way to the lift, up to the 17th floor, thinking, I’ll wash my feet when I get home.

But here’s the funny part. No dirt! Nothing. Clean floors, clean lift, clean walk. I laughed to myself.

And then it felt clear.

I decided to leave the sandals there.

Maybe someone needed them more. Maybe someone had been wishing. Maybe it was simply meant to be.

And I could almost hear my mom’s voice, amused and practical as ever:

“It’s ok. Leave it. Someone will use.”

Now it’s late Sunday morning. I’m sitting at Starbucks with a latte and a sandwich, laptop open, choosing work over Netflix (small victories 😅).

Today wasn’t planned. But it was meaningful.

A lamp lit. A quiet remembrance. A small letting go.

And somehow, that feels just right.

And somewhere in all of this, the lamp, the walk, the sandals left behind….I felt my mom close.

Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just quietly present.

In the way things unfolded without force. In the ease of letting go. And in the small, practical wisdom that life doesn’t need to be held so tightly.

She taught me that…long before I knew I’d need it.

And today, on Thai Amavasai, I light a lamp not just for her journey…but in gratitude for the way she still walks beside me, reminding me:

“Enough already. You did good.”