Day 4
18th December 2025
By Day 4, the routine had settled into my bones.
The same itinerary.
The same relentless cold.
The same persistent pain.
The weather felt unbearable. A cold that seeped deep, not just into the body but into the will. My hip still throbbed, my legs protested and each sitting felt longer than the last.
That morning, a Dhamma server gently suggested I approach a different teacher.
So I did.
I shared about the earlier incident; my coat being pulled - not in complaint, but as context. She listened attentively and immediately asked if I would like the server to apologise. I declined. That wasn’t why I was there. I only wanted to be seen, not avenged.
Then I spoke about the pain.
About the cold.
About how I hadn’t anticipated my body responding this way.
Without hesitation, she turned to the server and said, “Please arrange a chair.”
Just like that.
I broke down.
Tears flowed freely as gratitude poured out of me. Not because I had “won”, but because compassion had finally met me where I was.
That evening, as I walked into the Dhamma Hall for the final sitting, I saw it.
My chair.
Waiting.
I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy to see a chair in my life. I sat down carefully, used my tennis ball for support/massage and for the first time since arriving, my body softened. Over the next few days, the pain slowly began to ease.
And then… something interesting happened.
The teacher who had earlier refused me was standing near the front of the hall. I was seated right at the back, on my chair.
I caught myself glancing at her.
Wondering if she noticed.
Feeling a tiny, mischievous flicker of triumph.
And then, I saw it.
That feeling.
That quiet “I got it anyway”.
I paused.
Ah.
So this too is the practice.
Not the chair.
Not the pain.
But the subtle ways the ego sneaks in, even after relief arrives.
I didn’t judge myself.
I simply noticed.
Human.
Learning.
Watching.
That night, as I returned to my dorm, warmth wrapped around me, not just from the extra comforters and the hot water bottle, but from a deeper understanding:
Vipassana doesn’t just show us discomfort.
It shows us ourselves.
And if we’re willing to look honestly,
even at the parts we’re not proud of,
that too becomes freedom.
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