ANSWERING A LONG-AWAITED CALLING

For years, Nepal called to me; quietly, patiently.

I always felt it in small ways; in the stillness of mountains I hadn’t yet seen, in the pull toward silence I hadn’t yet embraced.

But I never went.

I couldn’t leave my Amma alone, and in my heart, I knew the timing wasn’t right.

Now, after her passing earlier this year, the call feels different; softer, but clearer.

It’s no longer about escape or adventure, but about peace. About finally listening to what I’ve been hearing for so long.

This December, I’ll be heading to Nepal, not just to travel, but to sit in silence, to listen inward, and perhaps, to heal.

I fly mid December and will stay a night in the city before checking in at the council office to register for the journey to the foothills of Dhamma Shringar, where my ten-day Vipassana meditation begins. 

For ten days, there will be no phones, no conversations; just silence, breath, and the hum of my own awareness.

On Christmas morning, I’ll leave Dhamma and return to the city for two quiet days before flying home. The timing feels perfect; just in time for Amma’s first-year prayer the following morning (according to our Hindu calendar).

Between now and then, it’s all planning…what to pack for the winter, how to prepare my mind, and how to keep my heart open for what’s to come.

I can’t quite explain it, but I know I’m being led where I need to be.

Notes / What I Felt:

Writing this feels tender, like holding both past and future in my hands. There’s a quiet ache in preparing for this journey without Amma beside me, yet a deep peace in knowing she’s part of every step I take.

This trip to Nepal feels less like travel and more like surrender…to stillness, to silence, to whatever healing needs to unfold.

Maybe that’s what courage looks like now, listening to life’s quiet invitations and saying yes, even with a trembling heart. 

For now, I’m simply letting the journey unfold one quiet step, one honest breath at a time.

A FRIENDSHIP REVISITED

 A Friendship Revisited

Some connections span decades, stretching across time and distance, waiting quietly to be remembered.

I first knew him many years ago, back when I had just arrived in Kuala Lumpur. Life took him to Australia with his girlfriend, and over the years, our paths drifted apart. We lost contact, as sometimes happens, until two years ago, in the most unexpected of ways.

I was on a weekend holiday in Port Dickson, staying in a tepee, having dinner at the ranch’s bar. Out of nowhere, a man approached me, asking if I knew a certain girl and another friend’s name. I looked at him, puzzled, and then I asked: “Are you …?” And just like that, decades melted away. We hardly recognized each other, yet there was an immediate spark of recognition. It was the beginning of our reconnection.

Over the last two years, we shared small moments, mostly when he visited Malaysia. I learned of his life, the divorce, his daughter, his remarriage, his new daughter … and though life had carried him on many journeys, our friendship quietly resumed its place in the tapestry of my life.

Then, two days ago, I saw the family’s post on Facebook. He had passed away. My heart sank. I cried. The shock of loss mingled with the sweetness of having known him again, if only briefly. I reached out to the ranch owner, his close friend, and we shared in our disbelief and sorrow.

And the ranch owner said this to me;

“Yes, it is tough to lose the ones we love,  but we have hope that there will be a Resurrection. As JWs we believe in the Resurrection hope. So we are very sure of meeting him again in the very near future”.  

Life is unpredictable. Some connections return when we least expect them, bringing joy and warmth. And even when those connections are fleeting, they leave an imprint, a reminder that love, friendship, and recognition can transcend years and distance.

Notes / What I Felt:

Reconnecting with him felt like a secret gift from life, a reminder that even after decades, bonds can quietly reappear. Grief is heavier when it follows such rare, unexpected joy. Yet I carry gratitude in my heart; for the laughter, the recognition, the brief time we shared again.

Even in loss, there is presence; the memory, the warmth, the echo of friendship threading quietly through my days.

Though his time has ended here, the memory of our friendship, its surprises, laughter, and reconnections, will quietly thread through my heart, reminding me of the beauty of bonds that endure beyond years and distance.

HALLOWEEN HORROR SAUNA SPECIAL

October – Halloween Horror Sauna Special: “The Breakup Diva”

If you think saunas are just for sweating and relaxing, think again. Sometimes, they’re a front-row seat to the most unexpected comedies, like children shouting at the top of their lungs, or dramatic phone breakups echoing against the steam. 

And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

So there I was, enjoying the calm steam of the sauna, when in walks… drama.

A girl pulls out her phone and immediately launches into a full-on, Oscar-worthy breakup plea:

“Please, don’t do this! I can change, I swear!”

Her voice rises over the gentle hiss of the sauna, echoing off the wooden walls like a tragic symphony.

Then, just as suddenly, she hangs up. Silence… and then, a scream. Followed by wailing. Full-on, tear-streaming, face-in-towel crying. Steam and emotions mix into what can only be described as a horror-comedy sauna scene.

Everyone else tiptoes around, pretending not to notice, while silently questioning their life choices, I presume. 😀

The meditative calm is gone, replaced by the echoes of heartache… perfect for an October horror special.

Moral of the story: Saunas are sacred… unless someone brings heartbreak. Then it’s screams and steam. 😅

WHEN SAUNAS MEET TINY TORNADOES

WHEN SAUNAS MEET TINY TORNADOES

This was a few weeks ago, let me share what happened. 

So there I was, enjoying a peaceful sauna, when in walked two adults and three kids under ten. I politely reminded the mother about the notice outside: “Under 10 not allowed unless supervised.” …oops! I quickly backpedaled, thinking, “Okay, you can come in, just stay close.”

And then the chaos began. The kids immediately turned the sauna into their personal megaphone arena, shouting at volumes I didn’t even know humans could reach. 

I tried the classic “look but don’t touch” technique; silent glaring and subtle head shakes. 

After a few rounds of this intense eye contact diplomacy, the mothers finally got the message. 

Miraculously, the tiny tornadoes exited the sauna, leaving a serene, sweat-scented calm behind.

Moral of the story: Saunas are meant for relaxation… not full-blown acoustic concerts. 😂

P/s: And I have one more sauna story to share and it happened yesterday…coming up! 

THE EMBASSY THAT ALMOST WAS

The Embassy That Almost Was

Yesterday, I set off to the Nepal Embassy, submission form in hand, determined to get a visa stamped. 

But, KL traffic had other plans. 

Finding the embassy was tricky. And parking was the real challenge. 

After circling the block a few times and noticing police already blocking roads for the ASEAN Summit, I realized this adventure might be better left for another day.

So, I came back home. 

Closing Notes:

Sometimes, it’s not about reaching the destination. 

It’s about the little chaos along the way and the stories you bring home instead. 

A DIWALI IN TWO MOMENTS

A Diwali in Two Moments

And so, my story continues…

After quiet reflections during Diwali, I found myself looking forward to small joys, like meeting some friends for breakfast. It reminded me how life can surprise you in the simplest ways and how small the world can feel. 

Just as soon as we gathered, already the chatter was enough to make the morning brighter than I expected.

There were warm smiles, gentle laughter, and the aroma of shared food; each of us carrying our own stories, our own memories, yet drawn together by the same festive light.

It felt comforting to be surrounded by people from all walks of life; different accents, different journeys and yet the same joy glowed softly between us.

Sometimes celebration is not about noise or grandeur, but about presence; being there, with an open heart.

It was a Diwali in two moments. 

One of remembrance.

One of togetherness.

Both filled with love.

It’s mornings like these that remind me: turning a page sometimes means showing up, smiling, and letting life surprise you, one shared breakfast at a time.

A DIWALI OF AMMA’S LIGHT

A Diwali of Amma’s Light

Story about Diwali Eve & Diwali Day…

Diwali Eve always felt like Diwali itself.

The night before, Amma and I would plan and agree to wake up like normal and start cooking after breakfast.

But I always knew her well. She would wake up early, quietly moving around the kitchen before dawn; the sound of pots and pans, the fragrance of spices, the rhythm of her love.

Usually, I’d do the marketing the day before. She’d give me her list: mutton, chicken, prawns, squids, fish, crabs, vegetables, etc. We’d clean and store everything together so that it’d be easier the next day.

Every Diwali eve morning, I’d find her already halfway through her magic.

“Maaa, I knew you’d do this! We planned to cook together!” I’d tease, and she’d smile, that knowing smile, “Go sleep a little more. Everything’s almost done.”

Soon, everyone would gather, some family members usually stayed overnight.

First, we would do prayers and serve breakfast for those who had left us, ie my dad, my siblings, our grandparents. Their pictures were arranged in the hall, with food lovingly served and prayers would begin. 

Then all of us will sit down as a family for Amma’s home-cooked feast; breakfast and then followed by lunch, hours later. 

For us, Diwali Eve was always the real Diwali, alive with aroma, laughter, and Amma’s touch.

She was a vegetarian, yet her non-veg dishes were perfect. She never tasted them, only trusted her heart.

And Amma has always been a giver, on birthdays, on Diwali and on other special occasions; always with thought and intention. But last year, she gave beyond her usual amount. Maybe, in some quiet knowing, she felt her time was near.

This year, on Diwali eve, my nephew Jeevan, went to her place during lunch. Jeevan is her golden grandson, her first. He packed some food, and ate there. Just a year ago, we were all there, celebrating Diwali eve together. When he told me that, I could only smile through my tears.

Today is Diwali. Early morning, I brought her breakfast and her favourite coffee. Got her favorite flowers too! I lit two scented tealights beside her photo and prayed.

It’s been nine months now, but her presence fills every sound and silence.

This Diwali, I celebrate her light: the love she poured into every meal, every hug, every small reminder that we were never alone.

Notes / What I Felt:

A moment of stillness, to remember the connection, the unwavering love, the memories and presence.

Lighting the lamp for Amma brought me peace.

It reminded me that love never really leaves. It only changes its form, waiting quietly within us to be remembered.

To my followers: 

If you’re celebrating, Happy Diwali and have a peaceful love-filled day! ❤️

POOLSIDE MOMENTS

After a day filled with movement, laughter, and little pauses, I find myself here, by the poolside, under a sky still holding the memory of rain. 

The world is quiet tonight, even the usual noise of children screaming and playing is gone.

I sit, letting the cool air brush against my skin, and breathe. 

Each inhale reminds me of the small comforts. The warmth of a sauna a while ago, the softness of home, the laughter shared over lunch, and even the unplanned nap that somehow felt like a gift.

Life often moves fast, but tonight is about slowing down, noticing the simple joys, and letting gratitude settle in like gentle ripples across still water.

Pause and breathe.

Notes / What I Felt:

Calm comes in the quiet, ordinary moments.

Small rituals restore the body and heart.

Even an unplanned nap or a warm cup of tea can hold tiny treasures.

Life is gentle if we give ourselves permission to notice.

Closing Note 

Tonight, the world is quiet, my heart is full, and I am present. Resting in the gentle rhythm of life. 

Universe, feel free to tickle me with magic anytime! :))